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The Loneliness…and the Bravery

July 19, 2020 Melanie Hawken
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From the Lionesses of Africa Operations Dept

“You're always one decision away from a totally different life”…

There is a book by Alan Sillitoe called: “The loneliness of a long distance runner” that was then made into a film. It’s about a boy who had made wrong decisions (who hasn’t somewhere in their lives!) and was then sent to a youth detention centre / school in the UK, one of many so called ‘Borstals’. While there he found a passion in long distance running and single-mindedly pursued this becoming very good indeed. The problem was that the people in charge wanted him to bend to their will and run just so that they could brag and boast about beating the local private school in a big race that was due. They wanted to control his power to further their agenda. They were determined to use this boy’s skills and bend his will for their own glory. This became not about him, but all about them.

How does that relate to us, the inspirational Lionesses and our brilliant businesses?

In a recent podcast from the ICMA (this is the global centre for all Bond lovers in the financial world) with the inspirational Durreen Shahnaz, who has done so much to push the investing agenda for women’s enterprises in Asia, and as a result to the rest of the world, we heard she found that when she wanted to launch a Bond to finance the loans she was giving to inspirational Asian Lionesses (is that possible - should that be Tigresses? - all suggestions very welcome!), she was told that her first bond had to either have a first loss guarantee (that means that the first losses of a set of loans would be covered by someone other than the investor - so it significantly reduces the risk to the investor) or be renamed an 'Emerging Market Bond' in order to attract investors. 

As a determined leader, she wanted and demanded to call this bond the ‘Women's Livelihood Bond’, not an ‘Emerging Market Bond’. In the end this meant that she and her CFO had to put their own money up to cover the first loss guarantee and then (and only then) investors felt comfortable to buy.

She was putting her neck on the line for something she felt passionate about, but my goodness, it must have felt lonely making that decision - can you imagine the talk around the dinner table with her partner: “So tell me again, why we might lose our house?”

And this is something we do not consider often. The loneliness of our role as Founders, CEO’s and Paymaster Generals (all rolled into one), there is no one else.

This is an incredibly lonely position…

This also goes hand in hand with bravery of our Partners at home (not least Durreen’s who then had to sit through an entire dinner while feeling a bit on the queezy side!)… We know what we are doing (or we think we do), we know which direction we want to take the company, we know our intimate plans and what is necessary, but our Partner? They just have to trust that we know ‘what we are doing, that we know which direction we want to take the company, that we know our intimate plans and what is necessary’ and that we won’t in our drive to change the world, lose everything (including the house).

It is so difficult sometimes to talk to our partners. Why? 

Yes, it is great to have them as a sounding board, but then we occasionally (and possibly often) feel the need to follow their advice, even if it goes against what we in our hearts want (we cannot be strong always) and almost without noticing pull up that warm blanket that is called imposter’s syndrome. 

There are only so many times a day you can yell at yourself 

“This is my business, this is my baby, be strong - I CAN DO IT !”

Yet being a founder is an aggressive act, there is nothing passive about a) the decision to give up a warm job (however useless the ‘boss’ may be) and b) the action that is required to open a company and start trading. This is aggressive, which is not something that comes naturally to all.

There is no halfway house. Of course you can (many do and most should) side hustle to start, to continue to earn 9-5, whilst running your business up to the point where you can jump ship and 100% concentrate on your business. This was advice we gave this week to a huge supporter of the Lionesses who had decided that she so loved what the LoA was doing, and the fact there was a community to support, that she too could make the jump into starting a business (we thought that was so cool, but it was a bit too much pressure on our Head of Operations who then had to go and have a 30 minute lie down.…).

On contacting us and asking how she could become a member, with great ideas but with no business yet, we realized it was one of those decision moments and after we had pointed out that membership was only open to those with an actual business so she couldn’t actually join, suggested that perhaps she creates a side hustle first (there really is nothing more comforting than that monthly salary from somewhere else when we are starting a business) and then build her business in her own time. Of course at some point as the inspirational Lioness Clare Appleyard points out in her excellent blog here - ‘Focus’, there comes a time when too little focus starts to hold back your business and you have to release that safety net and dive fully in.

This loneliness of being alone in that pool in spite of there being many people around you is coupled with the bravery that you face each and everyday (don’t think your partners get all the fun!). You too have incredible bravery to get up out of bed everyday; take a deep breath and dive once more into the office where you know nothing has changed; there are still bills to pay; bankers to talk to; suppliers to work with; employees grumpy or upset about something that seems minor (but is major to them), and of course customers to help. All of that while you have been running a thousand thoughts, plans and worries through your head at home the previous evening and through the night! 

That is a special kind of bravery.

A special kind of bravery that means you don’t lock the front door of your warehouse and never return. The special kind of bravery to return yet again to the bank with what you now think is a better, cleaner and more convincing application (yet in the back of your mind you are probably thinking, they were just letting me down gently the last time, it’s still actually a ‘No’). And the bravery to stand strong against those voices (sometimes even from your own family who are concerned and worried) saying: “Why don’t you get a nice job and settle down?”. We have all been there, waking up and thinking “Wow, wouldn’t it be great just to have a 9-5 job, with a comfy pension and health insurance?”, but then we suddenly realize that with an entrepreneurial mind like ours, a 9-5 job would be like a gilded cage and we would go crazy.

How can we get around this feeling of panic bubbling away in the depths of our mind/stomach, always there, mostly under control, occasionally exploding into the outside world? 

Talk.

Talking constantly and only to your Partner may well be too much pressure for them (and will only give you a one-sided view that when coupled with love, concern and worry, may not be what you need at that moment), after all sometimes, we really just want calm silence in the evening. 

So where can we turn?

There is one inspirational Lioness who always wishes to remain anonymous given the great work she does behind the scenes for the LoA and the greater Lioness Community (and we strongly respect that wish). That said, during a meeting we had with her and another group who were trying to understand the everyday issues faced by Lionesses (so they could design with us a potential solution), she said that her greatest decision in the early days of her business was to create a strong Board. This Board was made up of business leaders in her country, both male and female, who would most importantly listen to her. On occasions they may suggest practical steps to solve issues, or to simply support her decisions, but the most important was the listening. They were and still are 15 years later, a ‘sounding board’.

There is a fear about ‘presenting to the Board’, but this is wrong - it suggests that you are not using your Board correctly. By the time you get to any Board meeting, most, if not all, of the Board members and certainly the Chair will have had a number of informal chats with you, if you are using them correctly. They are there to support, guide and (sometimes) even pick you up when you fall with words of encouragement. Do not fear them, use them. They will be happy to be used and will certainly tell you if you are taking up too much of their time (they are not leaders for nothing - they certainly know when and how to use the word: ‘No’!).

Believe us when we say that creating a Board and using a Board correctly takes a huge weight off your shoulders (even if the Buck still stops with you) and will certainly take a huge weight off your Partner’s shoulders, who was possibly starting to drown in the mixed emotions of support, love, concern and worry.

This is a Decision and as we have said:

“You're always one decision away from a totally different life”.

But I can’t pay them, we hear you say. 

Firstly, many people who are leaders, who have ‘been there, done that and are wearing the T-Shirt’ are quite happy to work in those situations for very little. It is important from their side that you show willing and even if it is a small amount, for some very strange reason, they know that human nature being as it is, we as a race do not generally appreciate advice, support and even work if it is done for free. We strangely think that if it is free it is not worth much. As Entrepreneurs, we should be willing to pay, but knowing that it will pay huge dividends.

So find the people you want on your Board, sit with them, explain your business and why you think that their knowledge, skill and strengths will fit perfectly into the business you are trying to build. 

If you really do have no money, explain this and see what they have to say. What’s the worst that can happen? They could tell you to shut up shop and take a 9-5 job (well you did want someone who would give you straight advice!) or they could simply say ‘No’, but you have still gained a friend that moves in powerful (certainly different) circles and who knows, they might know someone else who would fit the position perfectly. ‘If you don’t ask, you don’t get’ (as our ‘HoF’ is always saying!).

In addition to this, there is of course the community of Lionesses around you, not only in your Town, Country, Continent, but also across the Globe - yes! We even have a growing 6 figure membership in America (Shout Out to our Members in the USofA!) with a smaller but growing (and just as important) membership in the UK and a few other interesting countries! Search on the Lioness website for someone in your industry, find their names, then go to their website and send them a message. ‘Hi, I saw your fabulous website and article on the Lionesses site. I am in the same industry - can we chat?” 

Sometimes just chatting to someone else is all it takes for our minds to slow, for our concentration to return and then as if by magic, the solution appears.  The person we are talking to is often bemused when you thank them for their help given that all they did was just listen, but as we all know, listening is a superpower…

So take a moment to consider and appreciate just how lonely this role is and just how brave you are. Then take a moment for your fabulous Partner (this is where you give them a bug hug) but most of all recognize that you are only human, you do have feelings, this business is not just a business, but actually your baby and that truly - just like Durreen Shahnaz (who gave birth to the idea of the Woman’s Livelihood Bond) the inspirational Mother of the business might need a little help (in the form of her CFO), but at the end of the day, ‘Mother knows best’.

The boy in the film?

Pushed by those who didn’t understand him and who wanted to take power of decision away from him and who were just using him to further their agenda, he raced far ahead of the pack, a certain winner… and then took back control by stopping 3 feet short of the finish line, allowing everyone else to pass him. He was alone, he showed immense bravery, but he was in control at last. 

He did that on his own, but you don’t have to be.

Stay safe and let’s talk!

In Business Unusual, Team Lioness Tags BU Wellbeing & Mental Health
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Pure chocolate heaven…If you are a chocolate lover, then you need to experience raw chocolate at its finest, and Dana Mroueh, founder of MonChoco an artisan chocolatier in Côte d’Ivoire, has just what y Image of the Day / Mulandi Brindes

Say it with flowers…If you want to make someone feel special, then there is no better way than with the gift of fresh flowers, and Mulandi Brindes in Mozambique, founded by Vanessa Guilherme Nhabete, creates Image of the Day / Mariée Eventos

The Wedding Planner…Every big celebration day needs great organization, and that’s where Iris Lezi Munguambe, founder of Mariée Eventos in Mozambique, is your go-to person. She launched he Image of the Day / Dounia Home

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